Feelings... woah woah woah FEEEELINGS!!!!

Did you ever get a feeling that you hated having?


It could be fear, anger, hatred....
or in my case... love.
The truth is, dear friends, that I am in love with someone.

Not just any kind of love...


I'm talking that can't live, eat, sleep, think, function, wanna see them all the time, wana touch them all the time, lovey-dovey, nauseating, ping in your heart, smile in your soul, sing cuz you think of them, laugh when you think of them, cry when you think of them, pray for them more than for yourself, give your all for 10 seconds with them, more than chocolate-type of love.





I fell for this person ...and I fell HARD for them.



I want to be and do and give them everything. I want to see their dreams come true more than I want to see my own now. I want to take care of them... love them.. .protect them.



I want to make them happy forever.



But the problem is that I KNOW they don't feel as intensely about me as I do about them.
They just don't catch what or how they say things to me that hurt my heart... reminds me everyday that i am a sucker for somethings... reminds me that I give even when I shouldn't.
I see this following the same old pattern.
Same Script, different cast.
Surprised by the actor. Should I play the role until this scene ends???
Accepting things as they are?


And THAT hurts.

I am now 2 classes away from graduating from college after being here for...oh.. say about 5 years. And that DOESN'T include my year at ASU

I now have my haiin micro's.. but they are thick and it is HELLA HOT here now. RAAAT!

I am trying to stop cursing so much.. so i be saying stupid stuff when I am hurt

My babies are growing up so fast, its scarey!!!!!

I need to get laid (well... I do)

I am thinking of moving out of the house FOR REAL NOW!

6 Essays to do..
hair is so nappy that it hurts...
getting bigger...
debating about what to do about a job...
debating about what to do about graduation...
I want a burrito...
questioning my trust in a friend...
thinking about what kind of house I REALLY want...

I went to the Club last night with J., and not only did I seem to be the only straight girl there, but I jsut so happen to find the only straight guy in there, start flirting with him, and eventually exchanging numbers with him (the bartender). Aint that my luck?

Missing a friend of mine cuz he moved out of the country. But Jelous cuz he is having so much damn fun!!!!

Wondering if my dad just doesnt like me being on the computer or telephone...or he just wants attention?

I miss my babies.

They are at home.. but I havent seenthem in a few days now.

I need to fix my car. I think I need gas (gauge is broken, so I dont know for sure)

AND SINCE WHEN THE HELL HAS A DIET IMPROVED YOUR SEX LIFE??? (WATCHING A NURTASYSTEM FOR MEN COMMERCIAL)

More random babble later...

UPDATE: tHIS IS A PICTURE THAT ONE OF MY COUSINS FRIENDS GAVE TO HIS MOTHER AND WIFE IN MEMORY OF HIM. i WAS SO SHOCKED TO FIND IT ON THE NET, AND i PUT IT HERE ...FOR BOTH ME AND FOR HIM.
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS, BEANIE



I just found out tonight that my cousin , Beanie, was shot defending his brother.
This was my Uncle's oldest son...and despite the fact that my uncle and his mother didn't even talk much, my uncle loved his son dearly. It hasnt sunk in yet that he is really dead...or maybe it has, and my years of working in a Hospice program have made me numb to grief...to death itself.

Right now, i am more afraid for my Mother, my Grandmother, and my sister.

I was the first in the house to find out.. a solem call from my other cousin, Marcus, made time stand still... I had to ask him 3 times who and what he said. OMG!!! I have to tell every one else tonight... how will I tell my sister? How will I tell my mother??? No one in my family canhandle death very well.

Well, obviously except for me.

Here is a link to ictures of my new niece and family. Enjoy!!!http://uab.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006725&l=74607&id=20502455

WANNA SEE SUMTHIN REALLY FUNNY!!!!!

http://digitalmirror.com/girlsinc/video.html
My Commercial

http://www.thekidshalloffame.com
Kids hall of fame nomiation

WE CAN DO WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE....
i discovered today that the letter that falls between O and Q on my home computer no longer functions correctly....
DAMNIT!!!!!

So if you see a ost on here that has words that are missing a letter or dont seem quite right, just stick that letter in there and you will get it.

So I now think I have made a fatal judgement error and agreed to be in an oen relationshi ....IN OTHER WORDS, if you cant get nookie from me, ask me if you can get it elsewhere. HA!!! and they say only blonds are stu id!!!!
sINCE THEN i HAVE MADE ABOUT 3 OTHER FATALE JUDGEMENT ERRORS IN MY RELATIONSHIP! Maybe he and I are not meant to be together. I was one woman in the beginning.. and now, I am someone totally different. I don't know who or what I am anymore. He tells me to "Be MYself"... what he means is "Al the Freaky stuf you wanted to do when you were single, do it now thatyou are with someone. Well, That is a little dificult for 2 reasons:
1. IF I do the things I want to, I will be cheating. Now I am not one who likes to nor will participate in cheating. And WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION,IT IS STILL CHEATING!!!
2.I want to do and have done the wildthings that I have done because I am lookingfor a man who can make me want to change.