I feel so alone sometimes.
i don't want to be the center of attention...
then I'll get nervous and start to shake and probably pee on myself.
But a little attention her and there wouldn't hurt.
Then again...if I paid more attention to myself, I might get others to do the same. Man I am sleepy. Going to bed now.
I think Dave Chappelle was right.. Bar-b-que does make you sleepy

My ex came to my house Sunday afternoon.
We sat outside and talked about his new job and his new guns..
and the fact that someone shot at him through his window at home while he was cooking. I thought about it.. He never cooked for me...but then again, I never cooked for him. come to think of it..we have never ever consumed any food while in each other's presence
Well, except fo r the time afterwards when he fixed himself a ham sandwhich.
I usually miss my ex's...but I don't miss him at all.

I am happy with the man I am with now... he makes me smile just looking at him. And he HAS cooked for me.

I still want that Hot Dog!

This world is pretty okay sometimes...
I am about to get ready to leave for NY in a couple of days.
Dad is going with me....K isn't
I wish Q could
I wish Shella Could too
Oh well....I guess another time.

I'm hungry.. I think I want a Hot Dog.

Children are God's way of saying that, despite all you go through, and no matter how bad the world may get, THE WORLD MUST GO ON

I can't take much more of my life and it's current state.
I have happiness, sadness, joy, pain...all cycling around me like honey bees.
I am told I do to much and not enought...
that I am too active, but lazy...
that I give nothing, but it is know that i don't have much to give.
What am I to do?
I can't leave...but I can't stay
I am not even respected by some in my house because, as I have been told, I DON't deserve it!!! THAT IS A DAMN LIE!!!
I am 22 years old...but even more than that,
Dammit I AM HUMAN.
I don't want to be hurt...and I am tired of holding it all in and pretending that it's alright.
I am tired of these useless tears
Q told me "Stop saying can't"
He is my heart, but I know he doesn't understand...
sometimes I want to just be with him and have fun and forget all my troubles.
and sometimes, I want to lie in his arms and just cry till I fall asleep
WHY CAN'T DADDY SEE THAT HIS WORDS HURT ME
WHY...WHY...WHY???
He can't see that his words have impaired me...
HE TREATS ME LIKE A CHILD...THEREFORE, I ONLY KNOW TO BEHAVE LIKE A CHILD
BECAUSE I DO AS A CHILD WOULD DO...
and that's why I say "I can't"
I can't leave...job not good enough
I can't get my own car...job and credit not good enough
I can't get another job...he doesn't want me too,
and if I do, he will take away the place I do stay and the car I do drive
And what will happen then?
And then you try to control every aspect of my life
from my friends.. and my enemies
from my classes, to my activities
even down to the money that I MAKE and EARN
YOU EVEN TRY TO CONTROL WHO I RELATE WITH
you say, "I need to grow-up"
but when I try to , you tell me "No"
Part of growing up is MAKING A FEW MISTAKES,AND FIXING THEM YOURSELF
I don't intend to run to you everytime something goes wrong
LET ME MAKE MY MISTAKES AND DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES
If you see me falling, let me fall..
If when I fall, I lie there and get run over...let me lie there
IF you feel you have been a good enough parent, then sit back and watch and see if it is true by LETTING ME GET HURT SOMETIMES.
I'LL never know happiness if i don't feel a little pain
you are not completely to blame...
I can never say that
I am

TO BE CONTINUED...